i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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