I haven't been this sober since birth.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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