It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
There r osticjed everywhere
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
True strength comes from lack of pants
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
