there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize