i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So vagazzling was a success
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
