is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
