we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
