where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize