So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
