you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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