im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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