Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
