I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
this is an emotional support booty call
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize