Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
