I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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