God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
