you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
