She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
