Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Can you bring me the toilet please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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