No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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