so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
