If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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