I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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