So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
