Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
