actually, I'm a sock model
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
the raccoons are back...
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