Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just pee around me
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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