found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
