Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
