I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
