just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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