you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
