let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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