I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
