I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize