This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
