i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
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It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
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You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I lost the right to judge tonight
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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