sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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