Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize