I must be too annoying 4 u.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Found the puke drawer
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
