i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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