C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
