last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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