are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
