so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
