I never want to see another naked old woman again.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
