I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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