The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
