Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
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we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
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First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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