capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
