My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
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Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
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As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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