Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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