cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
