He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Ketchup is God's man juice
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
