I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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