Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
