I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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