apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Be still, my beating vagina.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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