She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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