I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
