so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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