omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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