nut hugger
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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