Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
