My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
two words...techno handjob
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
