This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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