It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
