I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
honey bunches of taint.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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